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Well, well, well, you want to hear about what? Ohhhh well yes me and Bar was in Caltaras once. You sure you want to hear about this? It wasn’t a pretty picture. Ok, buy another keg so I can member all of the details and ill tell you all about the time me and Bar went to Caltaras. You see we had just come from one of the toughest place’s I had ever been, I cant tell you all about that place because if you try to go there, well lets just say there is a very mean little dwarf there that will cut you to ribbons. Anywho, me and Bar were traveling with the Dragons at the time and we were on our way to Dyvers to sell some stuff and get some healing done. Me and Bar were looking forward to having a beer with the bouncer at the One Eye cuz his mamma was a dwarf and she got herself raped by a damn orc. But anywho, we was heading to Dyvers and we had to go through Caltaras. When we arrived at Caltaras they were having a Street Fair. There was booths in the streets, and tons of people everywhere. We had a hard time getting in the gates of the place, first off they strapped a piece of leather on the head of me ax. Said we had to have this on our weapons so we didn’t chop any of the towns folk up. Well if you ever get to see my ax you would see how stupid it was to put a piece of leather on my ax. Anywho they did it and they finally let us into the town. Me and Bar was thirsty from all of the riding so once we got into town we decided to stop and have a beer. We found a fair vendor that had a couple of barrels of Banthos Best and we settled in for some major drinking. The other members of the Dragons headed into the town to find a place to stay. Once they found an inn that had a couple of rooms they got squared away and went out into the streets. They soon heard a commotion and they headed through the streets to investigate. They found some big rats attacking some of the town folk. Yep big rats. They soon dispatched the rats, but Gamble, may he be blessed by Moridan, told me later that some of the critters got away. He said he was flying high above the crowd and was raining hell down on the critters. He was a good magic user, as far as magic users go. You know that place that I told you about with the little mean dwarf guarding it? Well Gamble cleaned the entire place of all the evil Orc crap and evil Orc writing they had spewed on the walls. Gamble, for a human magic user, was ok by me. Whats that? Yes Gamble was never seen from again and ill get to that in a little bit. Me and Bar decided to check out the town a little and you want to know what we found? We found the Smitty shop in town and guess what? It was runned by a 400 year old dwarf named Shuuma. Shumma, may Moridan bless her, was one of the greatest dwarf smits I had ever seen. She would sit in her rocking chair and set the time for the hammers. She was a good dwarf. Anywho, we talked to her a little bit and found that she was running the place and she knew of Durrgedin. I asked her to check out my ax, I had made it as a youngster out of this special metal that had been given to my trainer by a gnome in a trade for some work we had done. Anywho she was going to check it out for me and let me know what it was. When we was at that secret dwarf place I had killed a dragon and I had a little bit of the skin and the scales with me and needed some new armor so me and Shumma went to work on fixing my armor. I had made a deal with her and traded a sword that Durrigidin had made for a pair of mitheral chain pants. We worked all night to get my armor done and she said it would take a week to finish my pants. Me and Bar had dinner with her and Bar being the sentimental one gave her a ring he had been working on. He had made it from the dragon horn I killed. It was real nice and Shumma was happy to have it. At dinner she told us about her husband and all of his adventures. He was a great warrior and had been on many adventures. I returned to the forge to continue working and Shumma looked over my shoulder to make sure I was doing it right. She taught me much in a couple of days. The next morning the rest of the Dragons found us and we headed out to explore the town. I noticed that there was a couple of elves hanging around with us but I didn’t say anything to them. We went to this building in town that had nothing but books in it. You know what books are? Yep I use em for wiping my arse. Anywho, this one new elf said that I couldn’t go in the building, then he said they had no beer in the building so I didn’t want to go in the building. They called it the library or library or summin like that. Anywho when one of the elfs came out she said we needed to have silver on our weapons cuz that would hurt the rat critters more than just our weapons. Well I wasn’t sure about this but I decided to ask Shumma bout it and so we headed there. She said yep it would be a good thing and so I gave her the ax she had loaned me while she was looking at mine trying to figure it out. She dipped it in the silver and I put a hell of an edge on it. She did the rest of the Dragons weapons and then one of them ugly elfs said he didn’t want to pay for his silver cuz he was a friend of mine, well I told Shumma I didn’t know who the hell he was and that he had to pay like everbody else. Once everyone had silver weapons, I still don’t know if it made a difference or not. I just know I hit sumthing with my ax silver or not it don’t get up. We headed out to check out the town. We wus walking around town and we was seeing some actors on this stage and then things went nuts. These critters with no eyes and they was ugly as all hell came out of this curtain and started killing everything in there path. Me and Bar ran up there and started hacking on em. We killed em all dead in a couple of minutes and boy they stunk and they didn’t have any eyes. I do not know how they could see with no eyes. Anywho we found a trail where they came from and we followed the trail to this empty building. We could tell that they came thru the window so we decided to go in the window and see what the place was. Bar went in the window and was hacking on this no eye critter when all of a sudden I could not see him. I headed up the creates and looked I the window and it was dark. Now for me and Bar who had never been in the dark it was pretty scary. I didn’t know what to do so I was reaching around inside the window and I grabbed Bar’s belt and then all of a sudden someone pushed me in from behind. I fell to the floor with a bang and I was in total darkness. I reached around and felt for the wall and felt for the window. Then I heard the sound of something hitting the floor. Then the sound of claws on metal and I knew then it was bad. I jumped out the window yelling for someone to save Bar. After much delay someone put the light back in the building and I jumped right back in and there was Bar laying on the floor bleeding to death. I turned on the biggest no eyed thing in there and I chopped and chopped until he would never get up again. I picked up Bar and headed to Shummas. I was running and running and I came around the corner and there was the Dragons standing there doing nuttin. I kept running and again I got lost and I came around the corner and finally Daesha started to show me the way back. I was running like crazy I needed Shumma to help poor Bar. As we wus running there was this great big purple worm that appeared out of the ground and started eating the lady Dashia. I was running like a madman and then someone yelled for me to come and help. I ran back and killed the worm then picked up Bar and started running again only thing was this time there were two dead. Bar and Dashia. We got to Shummas and she took the two fallen heroes to the temple where Tara was at. Shumma had me stand guard outside of the temple and not let anyone in. Later that night Tara brought me dinner and beer and took me to see Bar. He looked bad but was going to be ok. I slept right beside him all night and then the next day I went back to guard duty. That night before Tara took me inside the temple was the last time I saw Gamble and the monk called Legacy. I don’t know what happened to them but we left Caltaras without them and I have never seen or heard from them again. I did see Gambles chicken but ill get to that. I stayed at the temple until Bar could get up and leave. Him and Dashia turned out to be ok and we headed out. Im getting a little cloudy on some of the details, better order another keg son so I can member. So were was I? Oh yea. We headed out and started to investigate some of the rumors we heard about. There was this fighting lady that was with the Dragons now and she was looking for her friend. We went to another building full of arse wiping material and we killed some critters and there we found the fighting ladies friend. The building was full of magic users, (spit) I really do hate magic users. There was another one of those stupid worm things there but one of the elves killed it. I think it was my ax that killed it but he said it was his skinny little sword that did it so anywho. We went back to the inn and rested for the night. Bar was still a little shaky. He tried to hit the worm and he missed a few times, that’s not like him. The next morning Shumma brought a package and it was attached to a note that said the rat guys were leaving since we killed the magic users ( spit ). They didn’t hate us or nuttin the were hired by the magic users (spit). Inside the package was Lady Dashias sword. I guess since the last time I saw that sword it was with Gamble the rat men problly killed Gamble and Legacy since they had the sword. I better never see any rat men again. I will send em to deal with Gamble. Oh yea the reason Shumma and this other lady came was to bring the package but they also invited us to a party in our honor since we killed all of the bad guys and the town was safe again. That night at the party we all had a good time. I was watching the kid dance and I decided that I could do that too so I was dancing with Shumma. Everyone was having a good time. For saving the city the had a feast for us and we all got presents. Bar got his ax back. I had gave it to Shumma to pay for having Bar brought back from the dead. Shumma also stayed up all night and day working on my pants. They were perfect. I put them on while I was eating cuz they were so nice. We danced and drank until early in the morning. It was a fine party. As we were leaving the party we got into another fight with a bunch of big ugly critters so we knew the town wasn’t safe just yet. The next day we knew something was messed up. We was woke up by a bunch of horn blowing and some guy telling us about the baron was going to give a speech at noon. We went to see what the speech was about. I didn’t care about speeches and still don’t. The baron told everyone that all weapons were banned and that all militia men should report at once. He also said that all worshippers of Pelor should be captured at one and that the high priest and my friend Tara were to be arrested at once. Then there was a loud noise and a big fire was shooting right up in the middle of town. We headed right for the temple to see bout my friend Tara. As we were getting close we were come upon by a guard troop and they had a big demon looking critter with them. I had to kill a guard and I felt bad about it. Poor bar was still feeling bad I recon cuz when the demon looked at him he ran off screaming. I finally killed the demon and we took the guards with us to a safe place the kid knew about. We stayed at the safe place for awhile. Some of us went out on a patrol to gather our weapons and get ready to kill them critters. We were heading over to Shummas when some guards and a demon came upon us and me and the kid was able to hide. Bar could not find a hiding place and he had to take a wiz cuz we had been drinking. He was wizzing when a demon said that he should be arrested for showing his thingy in town. Bar still not feeling his best said it wasn’t a crime cuz it was so small. The demon agreed and let him go. We got to Shummas and it was empty. All of the weapons were gone. The forge was melted and Shumma was nowhere to be found. None of the apprentices were there or nutting. A couple of other smitty shops were destroyed as well. I found a kid at the bakers shop that told me bout what happened. It was a large purple demon that melted the thing and he said they took everything and everybody down the street and he didn’t see anything else. Once we got back to the hiding place we told the others what we saw and heard. We all slept that night and the next morning the kids friend brought us a map of the barons house and told us bout what they saw at the temple and the barons. I asked Bar about this and he told me that the kid was a thief and his friends were thieves too. Now I hate thieves as much as I hate magic users (spit), and I was kinda liking the kid. He was good at opening doors and he was a brave little fella. He had pointy ears and was pretty skinny so I knew he wasn’t a dwarf, but I didn’t know he was a stealer. I guess a stealer can be ok if they are good at heart and only steal from the bad folk. I never saw him hurt anything or anyone that didn’t deserve it. So he and I are still good friends. Anywho, we all stayed in that day cept the kid and he went on some errands and me and Bar drank some beer and ate some salted beef. I was missing Taras biscuits. Then late that night we headed to the temple. The other members of the Dragons and some of the new folk in the group came up with a plan to kill the bad guys. We headed out to the temple. When we got to the temple I was the first one in the door. There was a big demon in there and it was talking bout us leaving, I was talking bout it dying. I was gonna hit it with my ax and there was this wall of ice that came out of nowhere and then I climbed up the wall and jumped on the things head and then it disappeared and there was another wall of ice. Then all of a sudden the flame that was shooting up from the floor and reached high into the sky was gone. I guess poor ol Bar still wasn’t feeling good cuz when I climbed up on the wall to kill the demon Bar was running away from the demon and not killing it. When the big fire was gone there was two guys standing in this doorway. I ran over and took one of ems head from his body and then almost killed the other one. The other one had some nice armor on it was all black with spikes on it and I thought it was a shame that I had to chop it up but I put a huge gash across his chest and he turned and told me he “would see me again” and he flew up to the ceiling and disappeared. He was one of them magic users (spit). I never saw one of them magic users (spit) in that gooda armor. We searched the temple but there was no sign of Tara or Shumma. We had the night on our side so we headed for the Barons keep. We got there and the guards let us in and the butler opened the door and when the baron came in he wasn’t right. He was staring straight ahead and I poked him and he didn’t even look my way. If someone pokes me ill poke back. Go ahead ill look over here like him. Poke me. No its ok I wont kill you. I want you to see what he was like. Poke me. Seee I didn’t even look at you. That’s just what the baron did. I smacked him on the side of his head with the flat of my ax figuring I would just knock him out. Then I heard the kid scream. When I looked around some of the Dragons were just standing there doing nothing. I headed into the room the baron had come out of and I saw the kid, Bar and a figure in a robe with a hood on it. Bar wasn’t feeling so good still I guess cuz he was standing there drooling on himself. It looked like the kid and the thing in robes was talking but the kid didn’t look so good. I ran across the room to whack the thing then it just made this poof noise and it was gone. Most of the Dragons were just standing there looking stupid. I gave the kid a healing potion and me and him and one of the new folk went on the check the rest of the keep. I was up in the Barons room and so was one of the new elves. I was pretty tired so I laid down on the barons bed it was covered with furs and felt so good. The baron invited us to stay for breakfast with him but we decided to head out and find Tara and Shumma. Me and Bar and the kid and one of the elfs went out to find our friends. We went to the guard barracks and the head guard told us that they didn’t take any prisoners. They took all of the prisoners to the temple. I asked Bar what this meant and he told me that they pushed all of the prisoners into the fire that was shooting up through the floor. I was very sad. I liked Shumma and Tara very much. Huh oh yea the chicken. Well I was running up to the roof to check out and see if the thing in robes and the hood had went to the roof and all I saw there was a chicken that looked like the one that had been Gambles. I took hold of it by the neck and took it downstairs. The kid screamed IVORY when he saw it. He wanted it bad so I gave it to him. He said it was Gambles chicken so I could not eat it. I had promised Gamble at one time I would never eat his chicken so I gave it to the kid. Funny thing was the kid looked at it the chicken made some noise and Ken started to talk to it like it was me. I had seen enough wild things so I just went on about my business. The kid talks to the chicken and Bar runs from fights. Things were very strange. Well the sun was coming up and the baron had declared that all of his rules from the day before were no longer the rules. He also declared that the town be told of the Dragons and what we had done for the town. The town folk began to party like crazy. Everywhere we went there was folk trying to give us food and drink. They were patting us on the backs and telling us how glad they were that we came and saved their town. I didn’t feel much like partying. I had lost Shumma, Tara, and my AX. Member the one I made as a kid? The one with the special metal? It was gone. I looked everywhere and I could not find it any where. I guess they threw it into hell with Shumma and Tara. I guess they knew if I had it they would never be safe. The one I got here? It was made by Shumma. See that mark? Its her smitty mark. This is all I guess that’s left from her. Every town I got to I look for her mark. All of the folk in Caltaras had to turn in all weapons so I guess if they had any of her weapons they turned em in and they tossed em to hell. I got the pants she made me and this ax and I have never seen any of her marks on anything else. I keep looking and searching. If you see anything with this mark on it ill pay you well for it, ok? Well that’s pretty much the whole story. There are prolly some things I forgot and I may have messed some of it up. I don’t always member things like some do. Huh? Oh yea the baron was real happy that we saved his town. He ordered a big feast and gave us all rewards for what we did. He wasn’t able to bring Shumma and Tara back. He wasn’t a magic user (spit). I was in Caltaras a while back and the town folk membered me ok. I didn’t have to pay for a room at the inn or for any beers. They fixed the temple up ok. It looks like there was never anything wrong there. There is someone else working at what was once Shummas now. The town is ok I guess and im glad we helped them but there was some good folks killed there. There is a little sigh outside of the temple that has Shummas and Taras name on it and some names of the others that was killed, it has mine and Bars name on it along with the rest of the Dragons for saving the town. Yea I was there not so long ago but it made me sad. |
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